Gender Confusion
by Kuruk
Summary: When Gina is tasked with taking care of an unconscious Jamie, the poor nurse is baffled by a piece of information that she needs to treat the angry farmer... GENDER! So the clueless nurse embarks on a quest to find out... Hilarity ensues.


Hey! I made this silly oneshot in response to Rhianwen of The Village Square forum.

It's dumb, a bit comical, and maybe involves a lot of maturish concepts... but nothing m rated. So it's rated T for those things.

Jamie/Gina, believe it or not... but the whole concept of this oneshot is to find out if Jamie is... a boy... or a girl. Yes, the most frequently asked question that has never been answered...

I hope you enjoy it... even though it's not my best...

Disclaimer: Yeah, I own Harvest Moon... along with the entire world... Okay... no, I don't own Harvest Moon... just the world :).

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_**Gender Confusion**_

_****_Gina had been cleaning the floors, minding her own business and overall just missing Dia when Alex came through the door.

Usually Gina loved company especially now that Dia was almost always with Kurt somewhere and her grandmother; Martha had started… 'visiting' Saibara a lot… but this time, Alex was carrying something… well, some_one_ in his arms.

"Oh my!" cried Gina, rushing over to Alex in concern, "What's wrong!? What happened to him, doctor!?"

Alex rushed the unmoving body to one of the empty cots and set it down, a serious look on his face. "I don't have much time, Gina!" Alex snapped, making the poor nurse shrink back a bit, "The Clinic is really full today… for once… and I need you to take care of Jamie!"

Gina nodded, big dark eyes wide with concern for her patient and the doctor. "B-but… doctor!" Alex looked back, a look of pure impatience on his face, "What happened to… err… Jamie?"

Alex tapped his foot rapidly as he talked. "He collapsed right in front of his farm. You should give her some herbal medicine to reduce a bit of her fatigue!" he cursed to himself and ran out the door.

Gina looked after him, so confused. "B-but wait!" she cried, "I-is Jamie a… he… or a her…?"

_And so began Gina's journey to find the thing that had been eluding all the residents for ages… Jamie's gender…_

At first, Gina considered finding out the only way that you… err… could. But when she approached Jamie, lying helpless on the cot Gina's face blushed crimson and she backed away quickly, much to shy to ever find out 'that way'… especially not on a helpless, unconscious patient… it was just… plain… well, _wrong._

"Oh dear, oh my," Gina repeated over and over again as she trotted back and forth, her heels clicking on the spotless floors of the Sanatorium, "What should I do?"

And that's when the second idea hit her. There must be someone in town that knew whether her patient was a man or a woman; surely there was someone out there that knew Jamie well enough to know whether she was male or female.

It was past six, so Gina knew exactly where to go to ask such a question to a large audience…

She scurried down the road and into the café, out of breath when she finally opened the door, the small bell attached to it ringing over and over again in her ears. The regulars looked up, obviously surprised at seeing the usually reclusive nurse in the café.

Dia, who was sitting with Kurt not too far from the door, shot Gina a murderous look upon seeing her in the café. "Gina!" the black-haired girl exclaimed, "Don't tell me that you followed me here!? I already told you that Kurt is my _boyfriend_! I need quality time wit my boyfriend… in other words away from you!"

Kurt nodded a bit with a stoic expression on his face, then whispered, "She scares me, Dia… it's like she's always stalking you…"

The blue-haired nurse ignored their chattering and ran up to stand atop the counter, much to Duke's horror. "E-excuse me!" Gina cried, producing an unlikely silence in the café, "B-but I have a patient… Jamie… and… it's vital for his… err… her… treatment that I know… whether he or she is male or female!"

The café grew silent, and after a few agonizing seconds of silence, it was Eve who spoke. "I tried hitting on… _it… _the other day and I had no reaction," she crossed her arms tight over her chest and all eyes in the room focused right there, "I mean, who isn't affected by my flirting!? It must be a girl!"

There were some murmurs of agreement, primarily from the men that were ogling Eve's chest, captivated by the beautiful barmaid's spell of seduction. "But it can still be gay!" Duke said gruffly, all eyes fell on him, "I saw it checking out Carl," the poor waiter jumped, looking absolutely terrified, "last week! Who knows? It can still be a man that's… you know… swung the other way…"

The boys made faces of disgust, searching their memory for anytime that the angry farmer might have checked them out. "I think it's a girl…" the usually quiet Blue piped up, eyes shadowed by the brim of his hat, then shrugged, "There's something about that fedora and the colors it wears that makes it… feminine…"

Some nodded, others weren't convinced. A full-scale argument started and Duke pounded the counter in passion while shouting that Jamie could, indeed by gay. Poor Gina lost her balance because of it and tumbled off the counter with a shriek, landing hard on her behind.

Eve helped her up and led the poor nurse out of the café, where people were resorting to throwing things at each other in rage. "Have you thought of looking up its birth certificate?" Eve asked, face scrunched up in thought, "That should say whether it's a boy or a girl… right?"

Eve's logic surprised Gina, who ceased rubbing her sore backside and patted Eve on the head like one might do to a dog. "That's an excellent idea, Eve!" Gina complimented her, "To the Clinic! Alex keeps those records!"

The nurse and the busty barmaid ran off towards the Clinic just as a chair shattered the window and hit the ground right where they had been standing.

When they entered the Clinic Gina was appalled by what she saw… It was pure pandemonium. There was what sounded like a baby crying, the horrific smell of something burning and Ann's shrieks of apologies to Louis; who had been burned to a crisp, the shrieks of other patients, and many clumps of hair scattered across the usually spotless floor… black, just like Alex's.

Gina and Eve ran into the nearest room and immediately saw Alex, holding a clipboard as he talked to Saibara in a very uncomfortable tone of voice. "And how many did you take… Saibara?" Alex asked, one hand pulling at his ebony hair violently.

"Three!" Saibara exclaimed, his voice throaty and embarrassed, "Martha is one heck of a crazy and wild woman, Alex! I thought that I had to be more than ready for her-,"

"Doctor!" Gina cried, interrupting Saibara much to Alex's relief, "Doctor we need your help!"

Alex looked annoyed and relieved at the same time and ushered them out of the room, apologizing to Saibara for the interruption and promised that we would be back, "Eventually," he whispered when the old man was out of ear-shot.

"We need Jamie's birth certificate!" Gina cried, her braided pigtails bouncing as she jumped with every word.

Alex stared at Gina a bit blankly, then started laughing. His laughter only grew wilder and deeper as time passed, and Eve began tapping her heel against the linoleum floor, Gina crossed her arms and puffed her cheeks in and out, in and out.

When Alex finally sobered, he began pulling at his hair violently again as a crashing sound emanated from Ann's general vicinity… then a small explosion and Louis' cries of agony. "This is a small town that isn't even on the map!" Alex cried, putting his hands on Gina's shoulders and shaking her a bit violently, making the nurse a very dizzy, "Do you think that we keep birth certificates let alone medical files!? No!"

He let go and Gina began stumbling around like a drunk, the room spinning and the ground shifting. Eve took the opportunity to pose seductively, making Alex drop his clipboard and fall under her seductress' spell.

When the room stopped spinning, Gina grabbed Eve, who had been making small circles on Alex's chest with one well-manicured index finger, and ran outside just as the curtains began collapsing and Ray ran out of his room, complaining about how the hook stuck in his behind.

Eve looked disappointed that Gina had pulled her away from a man, but nonetheless she listened as Gina began to express her concerns about the whole predicament… seconds later, her mind wandered to how cute Joe looked over by the river. She began to pose seductively, but Gina slapped her before Joe noticed.

"What happened!?" Eve cried, looking around in confusion.

The poor nurse looked as she was about to start pulling out her hair as Alex was doing, sweat pouring down her face, her braid almost undone. "I don't freaking know!" the nurse snapped, making the village in its entirety fall silent at her outburst, "What do we do, Eve!? What do we do!?"

Eve scrunched up her face in thought and began playing with her hair. Gina waited for a few minutes as the barmaid repeated the twirling, occasionally chewing on her bottom lip a bit. Finally, the barmaid responded. "Why don't we just see the old-fashioned way?" she suggested, making Gina blush furiously at the thought of it.

But there wasn't another way… was there?

Eventually the nurse nodded and she and the barmaid ran back to the Sanatorium. Gina was relieved to see that Jamie had not gone anywhere since she had left. Eve walked over to the side of the cot and pulled at the hem of Jamie's poncho.

Gina blushed as Eve peered up the poncho, but the barmaid looked back and shrugged. "I can't see anything… you come look…"

Gina tugged at the hem of her skirt. "Oh my, I couldn't possibly do such a thing Eve… it's so immoral and it violates someone of their privacy and-,"

"_Just do it!_" the barmaid screamed, face contorting into a horrible, angry-looking scowl, making Gina cry out in terror and rush up to the side of the cot and peer up Jamie's poncho. Seconds passed and when the door opened, Gina did not look up.

Martha and Jill walked in, Martha holding a new rucksack, a look of concern on her face. When she saw the people around the cot, she pointed at them, squinting at the unfocused figures. "See! I told you that there was something going on in here!" Jill gasped, and Martha adjusted her eyeglasses, and when she saw her granddaughter peering up something that looked like a skirt, she groaned in what sounded like grave pain, "Oh no, it's _Gina_," she looked up towards the heavens, arms opened in supplication, "She takes one tennis lesson and hangs around girls all her life and this is what happens!"

Jill comforted Martha, who had started sobbing into her handkerchief. Gina looked back at her grandmother and started fanning herself with her hands. "O-oh my…" Gina muttered, cheeks flushed with a lot of crimson.

"Well?" Eve asked over Martha's sobs, "What did you see?"

Gina lifted the poncho again and beckoned Eve over. They both peered up the poncho… just as Jamie groaned and shot up in bed.

When her/his blue eyes fell upon the two women inspecting him/her, she grew very red with fury. "_What the hell are you two doing!?_" Jamie screamed.

The whole Sanatorium fell silent, all eyes on the angry fedora-wearing farmer. Jill was the first to run, then Martha, and finally, Eve… leaving Gina all alone with an angry Jamie…

"O-oh my…" Gina muttered as Jamie's arctic blue eyes shot daggers at her with murderous intent…

"And that's how I met your mother," Jamie finished, looking as apathetic as usual, adjusting the fedora on the farmer's head and repelling the tiny hands that pulled at the brim.

The two faces of his children looked at him in amazement and shock. Gina scurried into the room, kissed a scowling Jamie on the forehead and the little baby in the farmer's lap and kissing the other two children on the floor.

"Bye! I'm going to work!" Gina called to the silent room cheerfully. The door closed behind her, and Jamie smirked, an ugly, smug thing.

"Don't go sexually harassing anyone now, honey!" he called loud enough for her to hear outside. He could imagine Gina's face turning crimson at the memory, and the smug smirk turned to a full-blown smile, leaving his kids even more confused.

He absolutely loved that she was so gullible and coy that he could keep doing that to her, even after so many years of marriage…

Well… he loved that about her… that… among other things…

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Heheh... Yeah...

Well, I hoped you liked it nonetheless that it wasn't one of my best works! Please review!


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